Marriage

What I understand from the word “marriage” is: A religious function where two souls (bride and groom) take a religious oath and become one to live together for the rest of life in the presence of the society.

Religious function:

I am not an agnostic but very much believe what my parents taught about religion. Religion is something, which is continuing years and years with us. The edict of religion is been modified one after another for the betterment of the society or the community but not been removed. May be the ethics are right or religion is having a divine power or control on us. Every religion is having a focus to direct the followers toward the right direction having a center of GOD (the power of all).

If the GOD exists, he/she can see whatever good or bad things we are doing, he/she knows every wish we have; he/she can feel every breath we take. The soul what we carry with our body, that is also connected with GOD himself/herself. If these are expectable, this religious function (marriage) carries lesser value than the blessings of all the people who are present in the function.

May be my explanation will not be expectable by the fundamentalists. Did I use the right word “fundamentalist”? You are the judge. According to my knowledge, ‘fundamentalists’ are those who interrupt while the Brahman/Father/Kaji (through whom the bride and groom take the religious oath) starts his process of oath. They always find the mistake from either side (bride or groom) and try to expose their knowledge in wrong way to get the focus of entire ceremony on them. This may sound stupid but it happened most of the marriage ceremony I attended (I did not attend many).

There is no solution for the unexpected situation. The way timid dear scare by the sound of its own stomach for the presence of tiger, the same way go on in the heart of the two souls who are taking the religious oath for the upcoming future (may be not valid for the love marriage). Truly, while we come across any uncertainty we knock the door of invisible GOD. The same way, every speech of any body is important for the bride and groom and their parents.

Two souls:

When we communicate with our higher self, considerably with god and goddess, we are communicating with our soul. Our soul has our body, mind, and heart within it. Our soul is what we are. Our soul is our freedom. It is harsh to tell that we have boundary of our sky.

Primarily, do we have complete control on us? (If you say “yes” then you have the divine power and not an ordinary human. And I do not have a single word for you. If you say “No”, then join with me and proceed for secondary option.)

Secondarily, who is controlling us? It is our mind (please do not connect with religious fanda as I am not even a newborn baby in that). All the thoughts and the actions come from our own conscious, unconscious and subconscious mind. Where there is light, dark is present too.

If it is complex to define our self. It will be more complex to read or understand others. But twilight is another way (or I can say the best way) to define light and dark.

May be life goes on the same way. Sacrifice and love is the twilight lead towards true life. It is human nature to climb for the undefined happiness. But happiness is a feeling generated from mind. If we recognize ourselves that we are happy, we are happy.

     

According to my tiny brain, two souls should be advisable for marriage when they are ready tobelieve in love and sacrifice for each other.  These three elements are the base for true life (living life the way both bride and groom want). While measuring the scale of these three they should keep away all the variables (status, looks, culture, education etc).

As I mentioned earlier, we have boundary of our sky. Advices (positive or negative) is one of the boundaries cause confusion and interrupt the believeness. Advisers may hold my shirt collar but I would say, why should we consider true about the feel of love, sacrifice and believeness written by Ravindra Nath Tagore where as every individuals are different?

Let the bride and groom define their feelings in their own way.

  

Religious oath:

By nodding my head if I say, “Jasti matar bera (This is CANARA language. English meaning: don’t talk too much)” while you are explaining something to me, you will assume that I am welcoming about your explanation. Same thing happens while bride and groom take the religious oath and unaware of what they are doing and saying in Sanskrit along with the Brahman. I do not have any argument here as the same process is going on years and years. Nevertheless, I believe, if the bride and groom swear on almighty (considerably) they should know and mean that.

It is a different story-what we tell and what we want to tell is different OR promises are made to be broken. However, the feel of the religious oath make each one of bride or groom  to believe that he/she is not a bucket of water for daily use.

“Not the asset but wealth” should be the believe from both end (bride and groom).

   

Become one to live together:

I read somewhere “True love is not loving a perfect person but loving an imperfect person perfectly”.

Naturally different peoples have different mentalities. Here two different people grew two different families, societies, cultures. So, recognizable differences are obvious. Best way to understand each other is to looking self from each other’s eyes. This thought leads the relationship towards heaven. And the same mentality should have from the beginning of the relationship.

Rest of life:

Of course, taking breath is not living life. Life is having a different sweet tune. To understand the tune a beautiful and understandable mind is necessary.

I would say, happiness is probability. Life means a war. Good times never be around always. But staying together means sharing the responsibilities for anything good or bad. Responsibility does not mean for only the bride and groom but for the two families and the surroundings. Here in this happy occasion is the best time to open eyes to look forward for the entire life. One of my friend convey a massage to me that the moment four eyes become together during the hindu marriage the mentality remain for whole life. This may be logical because the approach plays the most vital role for every presentation in management and the same applies for the life. A marriage is the right time to balance the ego sense from heart and swear on almighty that every slice of time will be enjoyable whatever comes good or bad.  

The society:

Man is a social animal. I can not deny its advantages. We can give guarantee for electronic items but no guarantee or warrantee for our own society to finish any religious function peacefully. How harsh?

Here I would like to address you that I am also a part of the society. And I completely agree that marriage is a social culture.           

I have seen how reach people dominate poor people and take advantages. These are not new to talk about.

Most of the marriage (I attended) ends with a big mess up because of very small issues. By investigating I found all the mess up started with either one of the relatives or a person from a so called society. Most of the cases the mess up started for their ego or status. I would say dowry is not a curse now a days. But problem occurred with the thought and comment that come from that one or two people of the society or the relatives.

Society means staying together but the actual scenario is the division that occurs for very few people. In a village you can find 3/4 groups for this people for their advantages. The host must be very conscious about them as their comment should not affect the new relationship. It is actually a real time to recognize the actual relative and the well-wisher. The truth is, without the help of the relatives and the society the ceremony can not be successful. I have seen people who give all kinds of required support to the host to make the ceremony successful. I won’t say that the host won’t have any errors or mistakes. It happens because of limited time or unconsciousness or some other mistakes may be occurred. The relatives and the society should be with the host to erase the errors/mistakes and take a part of the happiest occasion to give the blessings to the bride and groom and their families and welcoming the new relationship.

Conclusion:

 Different people have different view about marriage. Some people come to enjoy the dinner, some  come to see the friends and relatives, some do not feel like coming but come, some  smile, some cry, some achieve, some loose. All are natural. But this occasion come once in a life time for a bride and groom’s life (I assume no one get married for breaking up the relationship in future or get a second chance). Same as for the families. So all the peoples who are attending marriage ceremony should understand the value and help the host as much as possible and bless the bride and groom so that they can find their right way for entire life.

08.01.2008, Nazirpur