The day Mary told me 'Valobasi (I am in love with you) '; I could not understand the meaning for a while. Then I asked her "Is this a joke?" She replied "It's up to you, how you will take what I said". I used to think that I did not have anything to attract a girl to get love. And I had a thought-before reaching the destination of my career goal I will not allow any emotional feelings to get into my life. So the thoughts were completely out of my brain. But I believe it is very difficult to say 'NO' to a girl when the girl proposes a boy like me. I came out from my goal oriented world. Discovered new beautiful world. I felt- I have found the meaning of being alive, every slice of time is enjoyable, find the time to see the beauty in the surroundings. That day I realized – yes! I also can fall in love like others do. I also have a beautiful mind to love a girl. But my fate could not hold on to the golden heavenly days for a long period. Once she told- 'I never loved you'. I felt of giving a kick to the world. I lost the faith on human. I understood- she not only left me but also took away all of my faith, emotion and love.
I discovered my love in a different way- Mary , the character I loved she was completely created by myself with my entire dream, imagination, emotion and love but the person who exist in real was not the same.
Probably it was very difficult for me to forget the first touch of love. But there was no other alternative. I started trying to forget everything. I thought of reading books would be better idea. I bought lots of books written by Norman Vincent, Robin Sharma, Cynthiya Freeman Paulo Coelho and Chetan Bhagat. I was finishing the nights reading those books one after another. Mean while I thought of buying some Bengali books. But Bengali books are not available all times in Bangalore. Only during Durga Puja Bengali books are available at Ulsoor. So there was no other alternative. I was trying to get in the world of books so that I can avoid the thought of Mary which was bothering me every slice of seconds. I got lot of friends here who change their girlfriends every two or three months like changing of cloths. I have never discussed with them about Mary and the current situation. I was afraid that they would make fun out of it and afterwards only teasing would be remaining as substitute. But I could not able to forget her for a single second. I could not able to forget the whisper, the touch of her wet lips on my lips, her hand on my hand and the deep breath when we used to sit together at my place. My loneliness and her breach of faith started killing me day by day. It was very much possible for me to become mad at any point of time until I read Norman Vincent's three line-
"I believe that I am always divinely guided.
I believe that I will always take the right turn in the road.
I believe that God will make a way where there is no way".
Mary is Christian. I am Hindu and from heart and soul I am a Bengali. Though Mary can not write Bengali but can speak fluently. I can never consider her from a Bengali community because she learnt Bengali language from her family but the culture and mentality she took from the ultra modern Bangalore way as she was brought up here since the time when she was only five years of her age. Bengali community is famous for well culture and behavior and soft mentality. Before the relationship broke once I asked her "What made you to love me so much?" She replied "I love you because I really love you and I love you because you are a Bengali and I love my culture and community".
The readers may assume that the relationship did not stand because of the religion. But really that did not make any difference between us. Even she was ready to be a Hindu Bau (Hindu wife) then also I told her "If you want I am ready to leave my religion for you as I never had more value out of religion than humanity". Frankly speaking I do not have any complain on any religion but if the word (religion) makes a separation between people to people and makes people brutal and causes blood and battle in that case I feel "Religion is poison".
Anyway, I started came out a little from the pages of the books and started roaming with my KB Champion without any reasons. But never find pleasure for a moment. The memories obstructed in my mind so badly that I could not able to come out from that for a little while. I realized I could not come out from the situation as first as I want. I started keeping myself busy with my office works and my writings. I started writing my novel "SPARSHO (The Touch)" which I finished only one tenth before I fell in love. But I failed to concentrate.
Today 2nd February 2007, a lazy afternoon, I was walking on M G Road suddenly met a collision with a stranger. I apologized for the mistake caused by me and said sorry to him with a very polite manner. I was walking so fast with my unconscious mind and the result caused the collision. I stopped a little while and turned on my right hand side. There was a news paper shop and lots of people were gathered and searching the news paper they want to buy. I also started browsing. A Bengali weekly magazine attracted my eyes named 'UNISH KURI (nineteen twenty)' (4 th year 13 edition 19th January 2007). I took that on my hand and paid ten bucks to the shop keeper without turning any of its pages. After coming home I started reading 'UNISH KURI'. The magazine is basically the world of youth of 19-20 of ages. Just now I finished reading it. Today I read Bengali after a long gap of about two years.
I do not have any language to express how much I liked 'UNISH KURI'. Its 66 pages I felt like 66 different heavens. I have found the answer now from my conscious mind - why I liked 'UNISH KURI' so much?
It is possible to get into a world by reading a book written by different language (not mother tongue) but can not get into the inner world. May be the same reason caused the ending of our relationship.
Now I think- I am not alone. There are lots many people who have the same pain or even lot more than me. I'm not feeling lonely now. I have UNISH KURI with me. I can also start searching for a new beautiful world. I can able to see the sun shine from the window of my mind.
The girl, who can not understand my feelings, emotions and love, why should I feel pain for her? The ultra modern and multi culture that made her to tell me yesterday 'Ami tomer jonnyo prithibio tayag kortay pari (I can leave the world for you)' and today holding another persons hand 'Ajay, Nanu nina pritisutane ninane pritisutane (Ajay, I love you and you only)', why should I feel unhappy for her?
Now I returned from the illusion to my inner world, my lovely world and my Bengali world.
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